Hetalia: The Musical
by xAbnormalxAlphax
Summary: It's a massive script, I know! Follow the Hetalia characters as they sing and go through hell throughout history. I've used songs from various musicals and artists. (Two Acts)
1. Act I

NARRATOR enters

NARRATOR: Tonight/This morning, offensive accents and jokes will be presented. War, The Holocaust and The Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki will be mentioned. Self harm, suicide and death are prevalent themes in this musical. Tobacco and alcohol will be mentioned. This musical was based off of Hidekaz Himaruya's story, Hetalia. Each character is based off of a country, and we will be switching from time era to time era. We will be using songs from several different musicals, and you can look in your program to see what musical each song is from. Italy has been battered and broken throughout the years, yet for some reason, he only cares about pasta and optimism. And Germany… Italy loves Germany. A lot of countries love Germany… Germany just wants to sleep and eat, he doesn't care about the others too much. But Italy somehow still loves him.

ITALY enters.

ITALY: I love pasta and girls!

NARRATOR: It's true, he really does love pasta and girls. He eats a lot of carbs, probably more than he should.

GERMANY enters.

GERMANY: Let's make a gingerbread house today, okay?

NARRATOR: Germany loves wurst and beer. Soccer is his favorite pastime; it's really the only thing he ever is patriotic about.

JAPAN enters.

JAPAN: I ruv making perfectry normar things, such as erephants or computers, adorabre and miniature.

NARRATOR: Holograms are Japan's speciality, and he loves technology. This island country is intelligent and advanced, yet he still loves his ancient culture.

AMERICA enters, holding a beer bottle.

AMERICA: Yo dudes! Wanna go get drunk?

NARRATOR: America loves burgers, yet somehow, he stays so muscular. He has the body of a high school jock, really. God, that gives me some scary memories from third period gym class in the tenth grade.

BRITAIN enters with a cigarette in his mouth.

BRITAIN: Tea is my favorite drink, smoking is my favorite hobby.

NARRATOR: Britain loves tea, and it means so much to him. He's spent a lot of money on ale, tea and tobacco in the past.

FRANCE enters.

FRANCE: Wine, bread, soup, women! What else could a man want in this world?

NARRATOR: France, like Britain, loves smoking and alcohol. Well, he is European.

RUSSIA enters, chugging vodka.

RUSSIA: In my country, people hate each other silently.

NARRATOR: Russia is a shy and quiet man, but scary when angry. Never boss around the shy kid. That's one thing I also learned from third period gym class in the tenth grade.

CHINA enters.

CHINA: Eat anything with four legs but a chair, that's my motto! I'm a gourmand and willing to try new things!

NARRATOR: China is known for his delicious food, his several China Towns, and his beautiful and vast culture. He'll try anything new, especially food. His new pastime is annoying Japan and Hong Kong.

ALL COUNTRIES enter. NARRATOR exits.

JAPAN: Being a country rearry sucks, you know that? It's not easy! We get pushed around, and yerred at, and empires farr, and we're traumatized by events from the past, and we have to care about money and depressions, and war is-

GERMANY: It's alright, Japan. Calm down.

AMERICA: I agree with Japan!

Story of My Life from Shrek: The Musical

JAPAN:

RIFE IS DISAPPOINTING

WOE IS WHAT I KNOW

RIFE REARRY BROWS

THAT'S JUST HOW IT GOES

FOR ARR THE COUNTRIES

CHEATED BY THE WORRD

I JUST WANT WANT TO WAIR

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY RIFE, OH YEAH

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY RIFE

AMERICA:

STRIFE IS NEVER ENDING

PRUSSIA:

FALLEN FROM THE WORLD

(HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE: Amen, Prussia.)

CANADA:

I'M ALWAYS IGNORED

GREECE:

I'M SO FREAKING POOR

KOREA:

I SPLIT UP RECENTLY

THE UK:

LIFE IS BUT A WITCH HUNT

FINLAND:

SVEDEN'S FREAKING OUT

SVEDEN'S IN DISTRESS

GREECE:

THEY RIDICULED MY CATS

AMERICA:

THEY SAY THAT I AM FAT

POLAND: (Points to Germany)

HE TORE MY RED SEXY DRESS AND CALLED ME A HOT N' TRANNY MESS!

RUSSIA:

STORY OF MY LIFE

THE SOVIET UNION FELL

PRUSSIA:

YOU CAN'T BEAT ME

'CAUSE I MYSELF FELL

ALL:

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE

ESTONIA:

I ALVAYS DREAMED I'D GET A HAPPY ENDING

AND THIS RIGHT HERE

NOT HOW IT GOES

FRANCE:

I ALWAYS DREAMED I'D GET A HAPPY ENDING

IF THIS IS IT

ALL:

IT BLOWS

IT BLOWS

IT BLOWS

RUSSIA: This is worse than the time I killed thousands!

AMERICA: Which one?

GERMANY: (Guiltily) Somehow you beat my record.

ALL:

STORY OF MY LIFE

ALL THE WASTED PRAYERS

ALL THE BROKEN DREAMS

AUSTRIA:

NO VUN EVEN CARES

ALL:

ALL THE DAMAGE DONE

ALL THE CRAZY WARS

ITALY:

ALL THE SCARY GUNS-A!

CANADA:

AND ALL THE NASTY GORE

ALL:

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE, YESSIR

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE, OY VEY

THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE

ITALY:

Crap-a!

ALL exit except for BULGARIA, who stands center stage with a single spotlight on him.

BULGARIA: My name is Bulgaria...and...I love Germany! I love him! He was so kind to me during World War II, he didn't kill a single Jew from my country! Isn't that so sweet? He's so kind and caring and such a loving and accepting man. I just wish that he would notice me! He doesn't notice me, and I love him!

BULGARIA sits on the floor.

BULGARIA: (Sigh) Do I not look noticeable enough? I'm not a super small country. I'm not huge, either. You know what? Maybe I need to look more Bulgarian, more noticeable, more special and unique. I know! I could dye my hair green!

BULGARIA stands.

BULGARIA: That's just what I'll do! I'll dye my hair bright green, then Germany will have to notice me! Won't that be great?

BULGARIA exits. AUSTRIA enters, sitting down at his piano, beginning to play An Den Mond by Schubert. Suddenly, HUNGARY enters, interrupting him.

HUNGARY: Austria?

AUSTRIA: Vhat, Hungary?

HUNGARY: Vell...ah, nevermind, it's stupid.

AUSTRIA: Nein, vhat vere you going to say?

HUNGARY: No, really, it's stupid!

AUSTRIA: Hungary, just tell me!

HUNGARY: Okay, okay! Vell...I vas going to ask you…Vhat does it feel like?

AUSTRIA: Vhat does vhat feel like?

HUNGARY: Vhen you're playing that piano, vhen you perform live and everything, vhen you're up there vith the spotlight on you. Vhat does it feel like?

Electricity from Billy Elliot 

AUSTRIA:

I CAN'T REALLY EXPLAIN IT

I HAVEN'T GOT THE VORDS

IT'S A FEELING THAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL

I SUPPOSE IT'S LIKE FORGETTING,

LOSING WHO YOU ARE

UND I DON'T KNOW VHAT IT IS

IT'S HARD TO TELL

IT'S LIKE THAT THERE'S SOME MUSIC PLAYING IN YOUR EAR

UND I'M LIST'NING UND I'M LIST'NING UND THEN I DISAPPEAR

UND THEN I FEEL A CHANGE

LIKE A FIRE DEEP INSIDE

SOMETHING BURSTING ME VIDE OPEN

IMPOSSIBLE TO HIDE

AND SUDDENLY I'M FLYING

FLYING LIKE A BIRD

LIKE ELECTRICITY

ELECTRICITY

SPARKS INSIDE OF ME

UND I'M FREE

I'M FREE

IT'S A BIT LIKE BEING ANGRY

IT'S A BIT LIKE BEING SCARED

CONFUSED UND ALL MIXED UP

UND MAD AS HELL

IT'S LIKE VHEN YOU'VE BEEN CRYING

AND YOU'RE EMPTY UND YOU'RE FULL

UND I DON'T KNOW VHAT IT IS

IT'S HARD TO TELL

IT'S LIKE THAT THERE'S SOME MUSIC PLAYING IN YOUR EAR

BUT THE MUSIC IS IMPOSSIBLE, IMPOSSIBLE TO HEAR

HUNGARY AND AUSTRIA:

BUT THEN I FEEL IT MOVE ME

LIKE A FIRE DEEP INSIDE

SOMETHING BURSTING ME VIDE OPEN

IMPOSSIBLE TO HIDE

UND SUDDENLY I'M FLYING, FLYING LIKE A BIRD

LIKE ELECTRICITY

ELECTRICITY

SPARKS INSIDE OF ME

UND I'M FREE, I'M FREE

Dance Break. HUNGARY and AUSTRIA waltz to a version of the original dance break, just played with classical instruments.

HUNGARY AND AUSTRIA:

ELECTRICITY

SPARKS INSIDE OF ME

UND I'M FREE, I'M FREE

OH, I'M FREE

HUNGARY: So that's vhat it feels like?

Lights out, then back on. CANADA enters.

CANADA: Hello, I'm Canada. Most people ignore me, or think that I'm America. I'm really nothing like my twin brother, though. You can tell that I'm Canada because of my free health care and lack of gun crime. I'm a peaceful country, and a lot of old people come to my country after they've retired. I like to drink coffee with maple syrup as a sweetener as I eat oatmeal and pancakes. I'm typically calm, but I get angry when it comes to hockey. Nobody can mess with my love for hockey.

AMERICA enters.

AMERICA: Yo dudes! I'm America!

CANADA exits.

AMERICA: Huh? What's that dude's problem?

AMERICA and CANADA exit. THE BALTIC TRIO enters.

how

ESTONIA: My name is Estonia.

LATVIA: I'm Latvia.

LITHUANIA: And I'm Lithuvania.

ESTONIA: My country is known for it's choir and love of computers. Although ve love computers, my internet is incredibly slow.

LATVIA: I love potatoes, and contrary to popular belief, my culture is more closely related to Germany's than Russia's. I invented jeans. Yeah, vithout me, you guys vould be pantsless. Be happy.

LITHUANIA: I'm Lithuvania, and I'm kind of shy, admittedly. I love choir, like Estonia and Latvia. If you look on Vikipedia, the only invention it says that I've made is the Euthanasia Coaster vhich is...vell, a roller coaster that kills it's passengers. I've invented much better things beside the Euthanasia Coaster, however.

ESTONIA: I really don't know vhy somebody vould make such a morbid creation.

LITHUANIA: It vas never made, just patented! A scale model of it, that's all.

LATVIA: Ve've seen vorse vith Russia.

ESTONIA: Don't remind me of Russia! He's so mean and cruel and stupid!

RUSSIA: (From backstage) Did I hear my na-ame?

ESTONIA: Ah! It's Mr. Russia!

ESTONIA grabs LATVIA'S arm, and THEY both exit.

LITHUANIA: Vait! Don't leave me!

RUSSIA enters.

RUSSIA: Lithuvania...I saw something yesterday. I don't think you'll like it.

LITHUANIA: Vhat is it, sir? I didn't forget my chores, did I?

RUSSIA: Nyet. You did well yesterday. Something happened. I saw Poland.

LITHUANIA: Oh, you've found him? I've been looking for him for about three years now!

RUSSIA: You won't like what I saw.

On the other side of the stage, GERMANY and POLAND enter. POLAND is wearing an Auschwitz uniform. GERMANY is dressed as a Nazi officer.

GERMANY: Get in there!

GERMANY shoves POLAND to the ground.

POLAND: Vhat do you vant from me?

GERMANY: You're filth, absolute filth, the epitome of filth. You know that? Jewish, gay and Polish! I shouldn't even be talking to you, really.

POLAND: Like you're vun to talk! Look at you and Japan.

GERMANY: Ve are not lovers.

RUSSIA: Germany put Poland into a concentration camp. The most infamous, in fact. He put him in Auschwitz.

LITHUANIA: Vhere's Poland now?! Tell me vhere Poland is!

RUSSIA: Patience, little country.

GERMANY: The point is, you're here. You vill vork until you die, vhich vill hopefully be soon.

GERMANY exits.

POLAND: It's so cold in here...Vill I ever see Lithuvania again?

Close Every Door To Me From Joseph And The Technicolor Dreamcoat

POLAND:

CLOSE EVERY DOOR TO ME

HIDE ALL THE VORLD FROM ME

BAR ALL THE VINDOWS

AND SHUT OUT THE LIGHT

DO VHAT YOU VANT VITH ME

HATE ME AND LAUGH AT ME

DARKEN MY DAYTIME

AND TORTURE MY NIGHT

IF MY LIFE VERE IMPORTANT I

VOULD ASK IF I LIVE OR DIE

BUT I KNOW THE ANSWERS LIE

FAR FROM THIS VORLD

CLOSE EVERY DOOR TO ME

KEEP THOSE I LOVE FROM ME

CHILDREN OF THESE CAMPS

ARE NEVER ALONE

FOR I KNOW I SHALL FIND

MY OWN PEACE OF MIND

FOR I HAVE BEEN PROMISED

SOME LOVE OF MY OWN

PRISONERS: (Backstage)

CLOSE EVERY DOOR TO ME

HIDE ALL THE VORLD FROM ME

BAR ALL THE VINDOWS

AND SHUT OUT THE LIGHT

POLAND:

JUST GIVE ME A NUMBER

INSTEAD OF MY NAME

FORGET ALL ABOUT ME

AND LET ME DECAY

I DO NOT MATTER

I'M ONLY ONE PERSON

DESTROY ME COMPLETELY

THEN THROW ME AVAY

IF MY LIFE VERE IMPORTANT

I VOULD ASK VILL I LIVE OR DIE

BUT I KNOW THE ANSWER LIE

FAR FROM THIS VORLD

POLAND and PRISONERS:

CLOSE EVERY DOOR TO ME

KEEP THOSE I LOVE FROM ME

CHILDREN OF THESE CAMPS

ARE NEVER ALONE

FOR VE KNOW VE SHALL FIND

OUR OWN PEACE OF MIND

FOR VE HAVE BEEN PROMISED

A LAND OF OUR OWN!

LITHUANIA: That's awful! Russia, tell me he's okay! Tell me he's okay, tell me he's okay!

RUSSIA: I found him, and the Nazis tried to burn the camp before we got there. I found him, thin, barely alive, hiding. I got him and the other prisoners out of there.

LITHUANIA: He's alive?

RUSSIA: Barely.

RUSSIA and POLAND exit. LITHUANIA sits on the stage floor.

LITHUANIA: Poland...God, Poland...Poland, I vant to see you.

LITHUANIA puts his hands together in a praying position.

LITHUANIA: Dear God, please...I vant to see Poland again. I vant to see him healthy and loved and cared for. Let me see Poland, please! I vant to see Poland. I love him like a brother. God, I miss Poland. A-Amen. (Sighs)

Where is Love from Oliver!

LITHUANIA:

VHERE IS LOVE?

DOES IT FALL FROM SKIES ABOVE?

IS IT UNDERNEATH THE VILLOW TREE

THAT I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF?

VHERE IS HE?

WHO I CLOSE MY EYES TO SEE?

VILL I EVER KNOW THE SVEET HELLO

THAT'S MEANT ONLY FOR ME?

WHO CAN SAY VHERE HE MAY HIDE?

MUST I TRAVEL FAR AND VIDE

'TIL I AM BESIDE THE SOMEONE WHO

I CAN MEAN

SOMETHING TO

VHERE?

VHERE IS LOVE?

POLAND enters, sick and in a now tattered and burnt Auschwitz uniform.

POLAND: (Cough) Lithuvania?

LITHUANIA: Poland? Poland!

LITHUANIA stands, hugging POLAND tightly.

LITHUANIA: You don't know how much I've missed you. Look how thin you've grown! I need to cook food for you, you're so sickly and pale. You've got dirt smudged on your face, you're all tattered and...and ill! Poland, oh, Poland, how I've missed you!

POLAND: (Coughs) I've missed you...so much, Lithuvania. Like, every day I thought of (Coughs) you.

LITHUANIA: Oh, Poland! Poland, don't you ever leave me again.

Scene change. GERMANY, JAPAN and ITALY all sit together, wearing modern clothing. (GERMANY has a white t-shirt and jeans, JAPAN has a kimono and ITALY has a white suit.)

GERMANY: They judge me, they all judge me. I admit, vhat I did vas awful, absolutely awful. There is nothing that can rectify vhat happened. I'm over that, though. You don't see a red armband around my arm and you don't see a svastika on my clothes. I'm very accepting now. I didn't choose the life I live. I vish I could start all over again. I vish my life didn't exist.

JAPAN: Don't say that, Germany. Without you...I don't know where Itary and I wourd be. You matter so much to me.

GERMANY: Thank you, Japan.

ITALY: I relied on you during World War II.

GERMANY: But that's my point. A lot of people relied on me during Vorld Var II, even people I barely knew, like Bulgaria. But I vas awful. I...I hurt so many! I vish I vas somebody else.

JAPAN: But...Germany...If you were somebody erse, who would you be?

Who I'd Be from Shrek: The Musical

GERMANY:

I GUESS I'D BE A HERO

VITH SWORD AND ARMOR CLASHING

LOOKING SEMI-DASHING

A SHIELD VITHIN MY GRIP

OR ELSE I'D BE A VIKING

UND LIVE A LIFE OF DARING

VHILE SMELLING LIKE A HERRING

UPON A VIKING SHIP

I'D SAIL AVAY

I'D SEE THE VORLD

I'D REACH THE FARTHEST REACHES

I'D FEEL THE VIND

I'D TASTE THE SALT AND SEA

UND MAYBE STORM SOME BEACHES

THAT'S WHO I'D BE

THAT'S WHO I'D BE

OR I COULD BE A POET

UND VRITE A DIFFERENT STORY

VUN THAT TELLS OF GLORY

UND VHIPES AVAY THE LIES

INTO THE SKIES I'D THROW IT

THE STARS VOULD DO THE TELLING

THE MOON VOULD HELP VITH SPELLING

UND NIGHT VOULD DOT THE I'S

I'D VRITE A VERSE

RECITE A JOKE

VITH VIT UND PERFECT TIMING  
>I'D SHARE MY HEART, CONFESS THE THINGS I YEARN<p>

AND DO IT ALL VHILE RHYMING

BUT VE ALL LEARN, BUT VE ALL LEARN

A NATION ALVAYS HURTS

A NATION'S FATE IS KNOWN

A NATION ALVAYS STAYS IN THE DARK

UND ALL ALONE

SO YES, I'D BE A HERO

UND IF MY VISH VERE GRANTED

LIFE VOULD BE ENCHANTED

GERMANY, ITALY and JAPAN:

OR SO THE STORIES SAY

OF COURSE I'D BE A HERO

GERMANY:

UND I VOULD SCALE A TOWER

TO SAVE A HOT-HOUSE FLOWER

GERMANY, ITALY and JAPAN:

AND CARRY HER AVAY

BUT STANDING GUARD VOULD BE A BEAST

I'D SOMEHOW OVERVHELM IT

I'D GET THE GIRL

I'D TAKE A BREATH

AND I'D REMOVE MY HELMET

VE'D STAND AND STARE

VE'D SPEAK OF LOVE

VE'D FEEL THE STARS ASCENDING

VE'D SHARE A KISS I'D FIND MY DESTINY

GERMANY:

I'D HAVE A HERO'S ENDING

A PERFECT HAPPY ENDING

THAT'S HOW IT VOULD BE

A BIG BRIGHT BEAUTIFUL VORLD

BUT NOT FOR ME

JAPAN:

A NATION ARWAYS HURTS

ITALY:

A NATION'S FATE IS KNOWN

GERMANY:

A NATION ALVAYS STAYS IN THE DARK

JAPAN and GERMANY:

AND ALL ALONE

ITALY:

YOU'RE ALL ALONE

GERMANY and ITALY:

SO YES, I'D BE A HERO

AND IF MY WISH WERE GRANTED

JAPAN:

AND I KNOW HE'RR APPEAR

GERMANY and ITALY:

LIFE WOULD BE ENCHANTED

OR SO THE STORIES SAY

JAPAN:

'CAUSE THERE ARE RURES AND THERE ARE STRICTURES

GERMANY and ITALY:

OF COURSE I'D BE A HERO

AND I WOULD SCALE A TOWER

JAPAN:

I BERIEVE THE STORY BOOKS I READ

GERMANY and ITALY:

AND SAVE A HOT-HOUSE FLOWER

AND CARRY HER AWAY

JAPAN:

BY CANDERRIGHT!

GERMANY, ITALY and JAPAN:

A PERFECT HAPPY ENDING

THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE!

GERMANY: (Sigh) That's only a silly pipedream, though. Nothing like that vould ever happen.

ITALY: Of course-a not. It would never be like-a that.

JAPAN: If onry.

Scene change. NARRATOR and NORWAY enters.

NORWAY: I invented the paperclip. No mental illness goes unnoticed in Norway.

NARRATOR: So, Norway is super smart when it come to mental illness. A lot of severely mentally ill people go to Norway for treatment.

DENMARK enters.

DENMARK: I'm like the big brother of the Nordics!

NARRATOR: Denmark is a former viking, and often butts heads with Sweden. Denmark is extremely loud and obnoxious.

FINLAND enters, giggling.

FINLAND: I love singing and dancing and saunas and Christmas!

NARRATOR: Finland is a fun-loving, sauna-loving man who's often ignored. His culture is so weird compared to the other Nordics. He's really nothing like them, in fact, his culture is closer to The Baltics or Hungary than Germany.

SWEDEN enters.

SWEDEN: My name is Sveden…

NARRATOR: Sweden's scary! Sweden is extremely intelligent and loves Ikea. In a past war, Denmark hit Sweden hard enough in the head to screw up his speech center, causing Sweden to mumble and rarely speak. Despite how awkward Sweden appears, Sweden is incredibly kind and caring, especially toward Finland. Sweden may look terrifying, but he's incredibly shy and sweet.

ICELAND enters.

ICELAND: Of course I'm last, I'm always last. You guys don't even notice me, do you?

NARRATOR: Iceland is a surly young boy who hates Denmark. Then again, who doesn't hate the Danish? Iceland is an angsty teenager who's Norway's little brother. Although Iceland is geographically far away from the others, his culture is just like the other Nordics.

NARRATOR exits, and all THE NORDICS begin squabbling and fighting, overlapping each other.

DENMARK: I didn't hit you that hard, Sveden, stop being a whimp!

FINLAND: Be nice to Sveden!

SWEDEN: Hn.

NORWAY: Call me your big brother.

ICELAND: No.

NORWAY: Say it.

ICELAND: No!

FINLAND: Norway, stop bugging Iceland!

NORWAY: I'm not bugging Iceland.

DENMARK has SWEDEN in a choke-hold.

DENMARK: I'll kill you, Ice-man!

SWEDEN: Jerk.

SWEDEN squirms away from DENMARK'S hold.

FINLAND: Mr. Sveden!

NORWAY: Fighting isn't good for the body, or the mind.

DENMARK: Shut up!

ICELAND: I'm so sick of this family! I feel like a white sheep in a group of black sheeps. Why am I the only normal one?

DENMARK: Quiet, shrimp!

DENMARK, NORWAY and ICELAND exit while fighting.

FINLAND: They're all kind of crazy, aren't they, Mr. Sveden?

SWEDEN: J-Ja.

FINLAND: I hope some day that...that I get out of that group. What do you say, Sveden? You and I escape?

SWEDEN: Vhat? No, ve couldn't.

FINLAND: Oh come on, just for a week or so. Let's go out there! Maybe to Berlin or see The Nile or The Euphrates River! Maybe we could see New York City. How does that sound? I'm sick of being cooped up in this cold little country, I want to see something new!

SWEDEN: Vell…

FINLAND: What do you say, Sveden? How does...Vietnam sound?

SWEDEN: It sounds great.

FINLAND: Really? Oh, Sveden!

FINLAND kisses SWEDEN on the cheek.

FINLAND: I'll go pack the bags!

FINLAND exits.

SWEDEN: He kissed me...He really kissed me…

Love Changes Everything from Aspects of Love 

SWEDEN:

LOVE

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING

HANDS AND FACES

EARTH AND SKY

LOVE

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING

HOW YOU LIVE AND

HOW YOU DIE

LOVE

CAN MAKE A SUMMER FLY

OR A NIGHT

SEEM LIKE A LIFETIME

YES, LOVE

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING

NOW I TREMBLE

AT YOUR NAME

NOTHING IN THE

VORLD WILL EVER  
>BE THE SAME<p>

LOVE

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING

DAYS ARE LONGER

VORDS MEAN MORE

LOVE  
>LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING<p>

PAIN IS DEEPER

THAN BEFORE

LOVE

VILL TURN YOUR VORLD AROUND

AND THAT VORLD

VILL LAST FOREVER

YES, LOVE

LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING

BRINGS YOU GLORY

BRINGS YOU SHAME

NOTHING IN THE

VORLD VILL EVER

BE THE SAME!

SWEDEN: Look at me, speaking of love. Vhat a fool I am!

NARRATOR enters.

NARRATOR: That was a lot of talking for a man with a damaged speech center.

NARRATOR and SWEDEN exit.

GERMANY enters.

GERMANY: Time to read manuals and drink beer. My favorite.

ITALY enters.

ITALY: Hey, Germany!

GERMANY: Oh… Hallo, Italy.

ITALY: Want to play-a soccer?

GERMANY: Nein, I'm reading.

ITALY: Alright-a!

ITALY sits down and impatiently squirms.

ITALY: Do you want to play-a soccer now-a?

GERMANY: Italy…

ITALY: What about now-a?

GERMANY: Italy, I'm not in the mood for your g-

ITALY: You seem-a agitated.

GERMANY: Ach, of course I'm agitated! You're bugging me and interrupting-

ITALY: You've been agitated for months-a. Is it Japan?

GERMANY: Vhat about Japan!?

ITALY: It's okay to like-a men.

GERMANY: I don't like men!

ITALY: I'm not saying you do, I'm-a just saying that if you did like-a men, that-a be okay with-a me!

If You Were Gay from Avenue Q

ITALY:

IF YOU WERE GAY

THAT'D BE OKAY

I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY

I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY

BECAUSE YOU SEE

IF IT WERE ME

I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY

THAT I WAS GAY

BUT I'M NOT GAY

GERMANY: I svear, I'm going to kill your little damn Italian a-

ITALY:

IF YOU WERE QUEER

GERMANY: I'm not gay!

ITALY:

I'D STILL BE HERE

YEAR AFTER YEAR

GERMANY: Italy!

ITALY:

BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME

GERMANY: Listen, you stupid-

ITALY:

AND I KNOW THAT YOU

WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO

GERMANY: I vould?

ITALY:

IF I TOLD YOU TODAY

"HEY GUESS WHAT?

I'M GAY!"

BUT I'M NOT GAY

GERMANY: You're not?

ITALY:

I'M HAPPY

JUST BEING WITH YOU

SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME

WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS?

GERMANY: Italy, that is revolting and disgusting!

ITALY: No it's not!

IF YOU WERE GAY

I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

AND HERE I'D STAY

BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY

GERMANY: So vhy are you in my vay now?!

ITALY:

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

TO ALWAYS BE

BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY

TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY

YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY

AND AS THEY SAY

IT'S IN YOUR DNA,

YOU'RE GAY!

GERMANY: But I'm not gay!

ITALY:

IF YOU WERE GAY!

GERMANY: Ach!

Scene change. BRITAIN, ROMANIA, and NORWAY frolick onstage.

NORWAY: Magic!

BRITAIN: Harry Potter!

ROMANIA: Mythical creatures!

NORWAY: We're The Magical Trio!

ROMANIA: I'm Romania!

BRITAIN: Britain!

NORWAY: Norway!

ROMANIA: I'm known for vampires and such! Transylvania and all. I'm more than just vampires, though. I'm also known for my ghosts!

BRITAIN: I'm known for my magic and especially Harry Potter. My magic is both black and white!

NORWAY: I'm known for all my trolls, elves and fairies. Tiny creatures that can ruin your life, like me.

Quick scene change. HUNGARY is sitting center stage with a single spotlight on her, dressed in male clothing.

HUNGARY: Austria's a good man. He's a good husband, too. He just doesn't realize that I'm not a woman. I...I don't feel like a woman, at least. I feel like a man. I am a man. I'm a man! I just wish that he'd realize that.

Reflection from Mulan

HUNGARY:

LOOK AT ME

I MAY NEVER PASS FOR A PERFECT BRIDE

OR A PERFECT DAUGHTER

CAN IT BE

I'M NOT MEANT TO PLAY THIS PART?

NOW I SEE

IF I VEAR A MASK I CAN FOOL THE VORLD

BUT I CANNOT FOOL MY HEART

WHO IS THAT GIRL I SEE

STARING STRAIGHT

BACK AT ME?

VHY IS MY REFLECTION SOMEONE

I DON'T KNOW?

SOMEHOW I CANNOT HIDE

WHO I AM

THOUGH I'VE TRIED

VHEN VILL MY REFLECTION SHOW

WHO I AM INSIDE?

WHO IS THAT GIRL I SEE

STARING STRAIGHT

BACK AT ME?

VHY IS MY REFLECTION SOMEONE

I DON'T KNOW?

SOMEHOW I CANNOT HIDE

WHO I AM

THOUGH I'VE TRIED

VHEN VILL MY REFLECTION SHOW

WHO I AM INSIDE?

VHEN VILL MY REFLECTION SHOW

WHO I AM INSIDE?

AUSTRIA enters.

AUSTRIA: Hungary? Vhat vould you like for dinner?

HUNGARY: Oh, hello, Austria. I don't know. Make vhatever you vant, I'm not in the mood to eat.

AUSTRIA sits by HUNGARY.

AUSTRIA: You really should eat, Hungary. Food is good for you, sveetie.

HUNGARY: Austria, I'm not a voman. I don't belong in this dress. I've kept it a secret from you for too many years, and I simply cannot hold back any more. I'm a man. I don't belong in frilly dresses or nail polish or makeup. It's not me. I vould much rather vear pants than a skirt and I can't stand this flower in my hair. I don't like my hair long, I don't like the body that I vas given. I don't like this at all, Austria. I need a new body. I thought you should know considering...vell, you're my husband.

AUSTRIA: Hungary, I've been hiding something for all these years for much too long, too. I'm overjoyed that you told me that you're a man because...I'm gay.

HUNGARY: Oh, sveetie, I alvays knew that.

Beat. AUSTRIA and HUNGARY share a passionate kiss.

Scene change. SWEDEN is self-harming while crying.

SWEDEN: This is for the fact that Finland vill never love me...This is for the fact that Denmark hates me...This is for the fact that everybody's afraid of me...This is for the fact that-

FINLAND enters, and immediately screeches.

FINLAND: Sveden, look what you've done to yourself! Norway! Norway, come here! Norway, Norway!

NORWAY enters.

NORWAY: Wha- Oh my goodness!

NORWAY grabs the self-harm tool from SWEDEN.

NORWAY: Sveden! Look at your wrist, look how much you've bled!

DENMARK and ICELAND enter.

DENMARK: Sveden...Why? Why, man? Why would you do that to yourself?

SWEDEN: Everybody, stop making a big deal out of it.

FINLAND: It's a very big deal!

NORWAY: How long has this been going on for?

DENMARK: Why would you do that, man?

ICELAND: Sveden...we love you.

NORWAY: Sveden, how long have you been doing this for?

SWEDEN: Three years…

FINLAND: Three years!?

DENMARK: Three years… That's just...awful. Why, Sveden?

SWEDEN: Everybody's afraid of me. Vhen vas the last time somebody hugged me? Vhen? Can any of you name a time?

Pause.

SWEDEN: Exactly.

NORWAY immediately hugs SWEDEN. ICELAND, FINLAND and DENMARK join in hugging SWEDEN.

Scene change. PRUSSIA, SPAIN and FRANCE sit together. SPAIN is playing a videogame and FRANCE is reading. PRUSSIA is cheering SPAIN on.

PRUSSIA: Yeah! Kill that monster! Booyah! That's awesome!

SPAIN: Yeah, yeah! Got it! Now to the dungeon!

FRANCE: Guys, don't you think we need to do something beside playing video games and rereading famous books from our countries?

SPAIN: Isn't that the twenty sixth time you've read The Hunchback of Notre Dame?

FRANCE: Twenty seventh.

PRUSSIA: Ve need to get lives.

SPAIN: We do.

PRUSSIA: Ve could bug Germany?

FRANCE: Naw, bugging your little brother got boring after a really long time, Prussia.

PRUSSIA: We could annoy Canada?

FRANCE: Don't touch Canada!

PRUSSIA: Vhat about South Italy?

SPAIN: No!

PRUSSIA: You guys are no fun!

SPAIN: I aim for practical, not fun.

PRUSSIA: Vhich is vhy ve're sitting in your basement playing videogames.

SPAIN: Exactly.

FRANCE: I know! Let's gossip!

SPAIN: You're such a girl, France!

FRANCE: All Frenchmen are. C'mon! Okay, so, I heard that Germany has a crush on Japan?

PRUSSIA: My brother's gay?

FRANCE: Well, he at leasts like men.

PRUSSIA: That's what gay means, France.

SPAIN: No, no, he could be bisexual.

PRUSSIA: I have nothing against gays, I'm just saying...my brother? Gay? He's the vun that in Vorld Var II, killed-

FRANCE: We get it, you and your brother were Nazis and homophobic, racist jerks. We know that.

PRUSSIA: Should I ask Germany about it? About his...crush on Japan?

SPAIN: It's a bit rude to ask but…

PRUSSIA: As an older brother, I feel like it's my duty to protect and care for my brother, even if that includes invading his privacy.

FRANCE: Japan's a real nice man, there's nothing to worry about.

PRUSSIA: Vhat if Japan's straight? I don't vant my little brother hurt! I love Germany!

FRANCE: I'll gossip around to find out Japan's sexuality.

PRUSSIA: And I'll talk to my brother.

SPAIN: And I'll do absolutely nothing but eat churros and playing the next video game I want to play, and I kind of want to play Mario Kart so I think that's what I'll do…

PRUSSIA: Alright boys. Let's get to work!

Scene change. GERMANY and ITALY and talking casually.

GERMANY: Wurst really is good, isn't it?

ITALY: It hardly counts as food-a!

PRUSSIA enters.

PRUSSIA: Germany, are you gay?

GERMANY: Excuse me!? You can't just barge into a conversation and ask...such a question!

PRUSSIA: So are you?

GERMANY: Nein, don't be ridiculous!

ITALY: He has a crush on Japan!

GERMANY: Nein!

PRUSSIA: I knew it.

GERMANY: Nein!

PRUSSIA: It's okay to be gay, you know.

GERMANY: But I'm not! It's ridiculous to think that I have a crush on such a man like Japan!

ITALY: I think Japan is a very attractive man.

GERMANY: Vell...I mean, nein!

PRUSSIA: You like him, don't you?

GERMANY: Does it matter? Vhat's vrong vith it, huh!?

PRUSSIA: Nothing is vrong vith it. I just vish you had told me sooner. I don't know vhy you didn't. I vish you vould understand that I'm your older brother and I'll love you no matter vhat. I love you, Germany.

Scene change. ITALY dances on stage.

ITALY: (Singing) Capra, capretta, che bruchi tra l'erbetta vuoi una manciatina di sale da cucina? Il sale é salato, il bimbo é nel prato,la mamma é alla fonte, il sole é sul monte,sul monte é l'erbetta, capra, capretta!

ITALY: It's time-a to make pasta!

GERMANY enters, tiredly.

GERMANY: Vhy do you still live vith us? You're no longer part of the Axis.

ITALY: I'm trying to cheer-a you up! You look-a so sad.

GERMANY: Italy, I'm not safe to be around.

ITALY: Hm?

GERMANY: My country isn't stable anymore. Neither is my mind. I don't vant to hurt you. I vant you to leave...now.

ITALY: Germany, but...you don't seem unstable, just depressed.

GERMANY: Italy, leave. Now!

ITALY: Germany?

GERMANY: Pack up your things and leave as fast as you can. I'm doing this for you.

ITALY: I don't want-a to leave!

GERMANY: How stupid can you get? Did you not hear me? I'm doing this for you. Get out. Now! I'm not stable, get out!

ITALY: Alright-a. I-If you insist. Will-a you and Japan-a be alright-a?

GERMANY: Ja, just go!

ITALY: A-Alright-a

ITALY hurriedly exits. GERMANY sighs, looking broken down.

GERMANY: Vhat have I done? Vhat have I done, dear god, vhat have I done?

No Way Out from Brother Bear 

GERMANY:

EVERYVHERE I TURN

I HURT SOMEONE

BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE

THE THINGS I'VE DONE

I'D DO ANYTHING VITHIN MY POWER

I'D GIVE EVERYTHING I'VE GOT

BUT THE PATH I SEEK IS HIDDEN FROM ME NOW

THERE'S NO VAY OUT

OF THIS DARK PLACE

NO HOPE, NO FUTURE

I KNOW I VON'T BE FREE

BUT I CAN'T SEE ANOTHER VAY

OH, I CAN'T FACE ANOTHER DAY

MY PEOPLE, I LET YOU DOWN

YOU TRUSTED ME, BELIEVED IN ME

AND I LET YOU DOWN

OF ALL THE THINGS I HID FROM YOU

I CANNOT HIDE THE SHAME

AND I PRAY SOMEONE, SOMETHING

VILL COME TO TAKE AVAY THE PAIN

THERE'S NO VAY OUT

OF THIS DARK PLACE

NO HOPE, NO FUTURE

I KNOW I CAN'T BE FREE

BUT I CAN'T SEE ANOTHER VAY

OH, I CAN'T FACE ANOTHER DAY

GERMANY sighs, grabbing his luger from his belt. With trembling hands, he holds it up to his head and...right before he can do any harm to himself, JAPAN stumbling in, shaking and disheveled. His kimono is burnt, and he has burn marks all over his face. GERMANY drops the weapon, and goes to help JAPAN.

GERMANY: Japan, vhat happened? Vhat happened? Japan!

JAPAN weakly falls into GERMANY'S arms.

GERMANY: Nein, Japan!

GERMANY gently sets JAPAN on the ground.

ca is severely confused when it comes to what to do with his goverment.

AMERICA: (As Republican) Gay marriage is against my religion.

AMERICA: (As Democrat) But...this country is run under your religion. We live in a free country, you know that. Freedom of religion, no?

GERMANY: Japan, vhat happened to you?

JAPAN: (Coughs) ...Hiroshima...Hiroshima...Hiroshima was...bombed… (Coughs) Help me, Germany…

GERMANY: Nein! Nein, who did this to you?

JAPAN: America…(Coughs) America...bombed...Hiroshima…That damn warugaki...bombed Hiroshima…

GERMANY: Of course he would, of course! Of course! I svear, vhen I get my hands on him, I'll-

JAPAN: Germany… (Coughs)

GERMANY: I'll take good care of you, Japan… You're going to be okay.

JAPAN starts to sit up.

GERMANY: Nein, don't sit up. You're vounded. You're losing a lot of blood. How could he do such a thing to you? How?

JAPAN suddenly cries out in pain, gripping GERMANY.

JAPAN: Aah! Nagasaki! Nagasaki! He's bombing Nagasaki! Atom bombs! Another atom bomb!

GERMANY: Nein! Nein, nein!

JAPAN: Germany...what if I die?

GERMANY: Nein, don't talk like that!

JAPAN: Germany, help me!

GERMANY: I can't! I don't know how! I can't call China, he's so angry at us and...Italy, what's Italy to do? He's so weak and...he's not even our ally anymore. Vhat am I to do? Who on earth can I call?

JAPAN: Germany… It's just you and...me now. (Coughs)

GERMANY: J-Ja. It's just us now, I'm afraid.

JAPAN: If I die… (Coughs) I ruv you. You're rike a brother to me. You care for me no matter what I've done. I ruv you. (Coughs) I don't want you to be arone. I can't reave you arone, I can't die. You're a wonderfur man and…(Coughs) I can't see you hurt anymore that you arready are.

GERMANY: Japan, I love you. I promise that you're going to make it because I won't let you die.

GERMANY carried JAPAN off stage. FRANCE and BRITAIN roll onto stage, fighting and clawing at each other.

FRANCE: Shut it, limey!

BRITAIN: At least I know how to make a decent cup of tea!

FRANCE: You wish!

BRITAIN: Jerk!

FRANCE: No hair pulling!

BRITAIN: Maybe if you cut your hair you wouldn't be so vulnerable!

FRANCE: Cut your eyebrows, trim them, shave them, something!

BRITAIN: I'm going to pull all of your beard hairs out of your chin!

FRANCE: At least my facial hair is on my chin, not above my eyes!

BRITAIN: Jerk!

FRANCE pauses, on top of BRITAIN.

FRANCE: Wait…

BRITAIN: What? Get off of me!

FRANCE: There's land...over there.

BRITAIN: I wanna see!

FRANCE: I shall call it Canada!

BRITAIN: That's a stupid name! I'll name it America!

FRANCE: That's a really stupid name!

GERMANY enters.

GERMANY: Hey, guys, I'm going to be your enemy in World War II in a few hundred years from now.

FRANCE: Oh, Britain. I love you!

BRITAIN: I love you, too!

Scene change. AMERICA sits on the ground, centerstage, wearing a Union uniform.

AMERICA: (As Union) (Singing softly) America, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain. For purple mountain majesties, above the fruited plain. (Continues)

BRITAIN enters.

BRITAIN: America? You okay?

AMERICA: (As Confederate) I'm not okay. This foolish man wants to do all sortsa crazy things.

AMERICA: (As Union) I'm not crazy, nor am I foolish. I want to help people, I want to free the slaves.

BRITAIN: America?

AMERICA: (As Confederate) Which one are ya talkin' too?

BRITAIN: I want to talk to my little brother, the one I know and love!

AMERICA: (As Union) Help, Britain! Help me!

BRITAIN: Prussia! Prussia, come help! Help!

NARRATOR enters. AMERICA exits, and reenters wearing a WWII uniform.

NARRATOR: America was always one to fight with himself. He continued down this path later in life.

AMERICA: (As Pro-war) Kill the Japs! Kill the Japs living in our country! Don't let the Germans in here either, especially the Jews! Don't let any Un-American in our perfect country!

BRITAIN: America…

AMERICA: (As Anti-war) But...our country is the melting pot of culture, people and languages. If you don't allow the Japanese, Germans, Italians, or German Jews in, then we break the unwritten laws that our forefathers wrote for our country.

AMERICA: (As Pro-war) The Japs endanger us, don't you see? Brother, we're in danger. We must imprison the Japs.

AMERICA: (As Anti-war) (Sings) Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing, where have all the flowers gone? Long time ago, where have all the flowers gone? The girls have picked them, everyone! When will you ever learn, oh when will you ever learn? (Continues)

BRITAIN: America, stop it!

AMERICA: (As Anti-war) Which one of us do you want to talk to? We're both America. Well, I more than him.

BRITAIN: France! Something's happening to America!

AMERICA exits, returning in modern-day clothing. He stands center stage.

NARRATOR: Even today, America's high confused.

AMERICA: (As Republican) Well...shut up!

AMERICA: (As Democrat) Our fore-fathers stated that every man is created equal. However, I don't really trust our fore-fathers because a lot of them had slaves, themselves.

BRITAIN: America! What are you doing?!

AMERICA: (As Republican) It denies the child a father or a mother! It's not natural, it's against nature! It's a sin. It's not a proper family, you know that?

BRITAIN: America! You of all people-

AMERICA: (As Democrat) Dear god, help me, Britain.

BRITAIN: Canada! Something's happening to America!

CANADA enters.

CANADA: I think he just has pent up anger because he has high gun crime and a lack of free health care.

BRITAIN: You think so?

CANADA: I know so.

Scene change. AMERICA is sleeping, singing in his sleep.

AMERICA: (Mumble-singing) Age of Aquarius, the age of Aquarius…

JAPAN enters, holding a stack of manga.

JAPAN: America? I brought the comics.

AMERICA wakes up.

AMERICA: Sweet, dude! What didja bring?

JAPAN: Let's see... Brack Butrer, Breach, Brue Exorcist, Kingdom Hearts, Ouran Highschoor Hostcrub, Naruto…

AMERICA: Oh, Black Butler! I love Black Butler! Sebastian's like, Superman!

JAPAN: The main character is much more than your petty Superman. His weakness is not a sirry rock, nor is Sebastian an arien.

AMERICA: My comics are awesome. Don't diss DC, man.

JAPAN: I do rike your Spiderman and your cartoon, Spongebob Squarepants. In fact, I rike a rot of your cartoons, rike Fair-ry Odd Parents. I arso rike The Incredibre Hurk.

AMERICA: Twinsies!

JAPAN: Twinsies? Is that yet another American srang-term that I haven't learned yet?

AMERICA: It means were're like, the same!

JAPAN: We are not the same. I am Japan, you are America.

AMERICA: (Sighs) No, no...You know what? Nevermind.

Scene change. PRUSSIA stands center stage.

PRUSSIA: I'm Prussia. I doubt all of you really know who I am, though. I've fallen from the world. I died. I came back to life in 2011, when the Nazi micronation, The New Prussian Empire was created. I...I used to be so much. I was a kingdom!

Memory from Cats

PRUSSIA:

MIDNIGHT

NOT A SOUND FROM THE PAVEMENT

HAS THE MOON LOST HER MEMORY?

SHE IS SMILING ALONE

IN THE LAMPLIGHT

THE VITHERED LEAVES COLLECT AT MY FEET

AND THE VIND BEGINS TO MOAN

MEMORY

ALL ALONE IN THE MOONLIGHT

I CAN SMILE AT THE OLD DAYS

I VAS POVERFUL THEN

I REMEMBER

A TIME I KNEW VHAT HAPPINESS VAS

LET THE MEMORY LIVE AGAIN

EVERY STREET LAMP

SEEMS TO BEAT A FATALISTIC VARNING

SOMEVUN MUTTERS AND A STREET LAMP GUTTERS

AND SOON IT VILL BE MORNING

GERMANY enters.

GERMANY: Prussia?

PRUSSIA: Germany, brother! I love you but...I must go.

GERMANY: Go vhere?

PRUSSIA: I can't live this life anymore.

GERMANY: Brother, nein!

PRUSSIA:

DAYLIGHT

I MUST VAIT FOR THE SUNRISE

I MUST THINK OF A NEW LIFE  
>AND I MUSN'T GIVE IN<p>

VHEN THE DAWN COMES

TONIGHT VILL BE A MEMORY TOO

AND A NEW DAY VILL BEGIN

BURNT OUT ENDS OF SMOKY DAYS

THE STALE COLD SMELL OF MORNING  
>A STREET LAMP DIES, ANOTHER NIGHT IS OVER<p>

ANOTHER DAY IS DAWNING

TOUCH ME

IT'S SO EASY TO LEAVE ME

GERMANY: Bruder, no! I love you, you can't do this.

PRUSSIA pulls out a gun from his pocket, pointing it at his head.

GERMANY: Bruder!

PRUSSIA:

ALL ALONE VITH THE MEMORY

OF MY DAYS IN THE SUN

GERMANY: Bruder!

PRUSSIA:

IF YOU TOUCH ME

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND VHAT HAPPINESS IS

GERMANY holds PRUSSIA's hands tightly.

GERMANY: Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone!

PRUSSIA:

LOOK A NEW DAY HAS BEGUN!

Gunshot and lights out simultaneously. When lights come back on, Prussia is dead on the ground.

GERMANY: Nein! Nein! Bruder, nein! Ich liebe dich, nein! Nein, nein, nein! Tell me you're alive, tell me! Tell me!

GERMANY holds Prussia's dead body in his arms tightly. JAPAN enters, setting a hand on GERMANY'S shoulder.

JAPAN: Germany-san…

GERMANY: Japan… He's dead! My brother's dead, my brother's dead, my brother's dead!

Scene change. GERMANY has a red arm-band on, standing center-stage. JAPAN enters.

JAPAN: Germany, I was-a wondering-

GERMANY: Italy has joined with my ideas. He's a Nazi, now.

JAPAN: Germany...I know I'm racist. I am, I furry admit that, but...I think you're getting out of hand. You...You have concentration camps!

GERMANY: That means nothing, Japan. Now if you'll excuse me, I must find Italy and tell him to find Poland. Ve must find that man.

GERMANY exits.

JAPAN: What is he doing? I wish he would notice that I'm the one that cares, I'm the one that...that ruvs him!

Sally's Song from The Nightmare Before Christmas

JAPAN:

I SENSE THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WIND

THAT FEERS RIKE TRAGEDY'S AT HAND

AND THOUGH I'D RIKE TO STAND BY HIM

CAN'T SHAKE THIS FEERING THAT I HAVE

THE WORST IS JUST AROUND THE BEND

AND DOES HE NOTICE MY FEERINGS FOR HIM?

AND WIRR HE SEE HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME?

I THINK IT'S NOT TO BE

WHAT WIRR BECOME OF MY DEAR FRIEND?

WHERE WIRR HIS ACTIONS LEAD US THEN?

ARTHOUGH I'D RIKE TO JOIN THE CROWD

IN THEIR ENTHUSIASTIC CROUD

TRY AS I MAY, IT DOESN'T LAST

AND WIRR WE EVER END UP TOGETHER?

NO, I THINK NOT, IT'S NEVER TO BECOME

FOR I AM NOT THE ONE.

JAPAN: (Sighs) I admit, I'm a racist. I admit that I am a totar bigot. But...he's getting out of hand. He's...He's kirring his own peopre, and rots of them, too. What do I do? I guess I stay beside him. I care for him, I ruv him. I must stay by his side until the very end.

End of Act I


	2. Act II

ACT II

Curtains open. Lights up. AUSTRIA twirls in, wearing a frilly dress.

The Sound of Music from The Sound of Music

AUSTRIA:

THE HILLS ARE ALIVE VITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

VITH SONGS THEY HAVE SUNG FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

THE HILLS FILL MY HEART VITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

MY HEART VANTS TO SING EVERY SONG IT HEARS

MY HEART VANTS TO BEAT LIKE THE VINGS OF BIRDS

THAT RISE FROM THE LAKE TO THE TREE

MY HEART VANTS TO SIGH LIKE A CHIME THAT FLIES

TO THE CHURCH ON A BREEZE

TO LAUGH LIKE A BROOK VHEN IT TRIPS AND FALLS OVER STONES ON IT'S VAY

TO SING THROUGH THE NIGHT

LIKE A LARK THAT IS LEARNING TO PRAY

I GO TO THE HILLS VHEN MY HEART IS LONELY

I KNOW I VILL HEAR VHAT I'VE HEARD BEFORE

MY HEART VILL BE BLESSED VITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC

AND I'LL SING VUNCE MORE!

HUNGARY enters.

HUNGARY: Austria!?

AUSTRIA: I thought you vere shopping vith Ukraine and Liechtenstein!

HUNGARY: I vas! I came home, because that's vhat people do vunce they have no reason to be out of the house anymore!

AUSTRIA: Don't look at me!

HUNGARY: Vhy on earth are you vearing a dress!?

AUSTRIA: Don't judge me! G-Get out!

HUNGARY: This is my house, too! It's also my bedroom! Go get changed, seriously!

AUSTRIA: Alright, alright!

Scene change. FRANCE, SPAIN and PRUSSIA sit together.

FRANCE: Non, clearly the best Pokemon is Riachu.

SPAIN: No, of course not! You don't know what you're talking about. I really personally prefer psychic Pokemon.

FRANCE: Don't tell you like Psyduck!

SPAIN: I love Psyduck!

FRANCE: Whatever, man.

Pause.

PRUSSIA: Guys, I'm sick of sitting around.

SPAIN: Want to accuse your brother of being gay again?

PRUSSIA: Nein, nein!

FRANCE: You sure, man?

PRUSSIA: I'm sure, France! Here, how about...we do something?

SPAIN: Like what?

PRUSSIA: Look at us. We're a mess. Spain, when was the last time you had a girlfriend?

SPAIN: I don't know...A year and a half ago? That's not too bad.

PRUSSIA: And France, when was the last time you actually went to a party?

FRANCE: Does that matter?

PRUSSIA: We're so much better than this, guys! Look at me. I'm battered and broken, yet for some reason, I sit around. I'm lucky to be alive! I should be doing something important with my life, not sitting around! I could be dead any minute. I could walk down the street and get hit by a car. I'm so lucky to be alive. So why are we sitting around? Why? Can anybody answer that one simple question? Anybody?

The Impossible Dream from Man of La Mancha 

PRUSSIA:

TO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

TO FIGHT THE UNFIGHTABLE FOE

TO BEAR VITH UNBEARABLE SORROW

TO RUN VHERE THE BRAVE DARE NOT GO

SPAIN:

TO RIGHT THE UNRIGHTABLE WRONG

TO LOVE, PURE AND CHASTE FROM AFAR

TO TRY WHEN YOUR ARMS ARE TOO WEARY

PRUSSIA, SPAIN and FRANCE:

TO REACH THE UNREACHABLE STAR!

THIS IS MY QUEST

TO FOLLOW THAT STAR

NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS

NO MATTER HOW FAR

PRUSSIA:

TO FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT  
>VITHOUT QUESTION OR PAUSE<p>

FRANCE:

TO BE WILLING TO MARCH INTO HELL

FOR A HEAVENLY CAUSE

PRUSSIA:

AND I KNOW IF I'LL ONLY BE TRUE

TO THIS GLORIOUS QUEST

THAT MY HEART VILL LIE PEACEFUL AND CALM

VHEN I'M LAID TO MY REST

AND THE VORLD VILL BE BETTER FOR THIS

THAT VUN MAN, SCORN AND COVERED VITH SCARS

FRANCE, SPAIN and PRUSSIA:

STILL STROVE WITH HIS LAST OUNCE OF COURAGE

TO REACH THE UNREACHABLE STAR!

FRANCE: Wait...why did we just sing a song?

SPAIN: Because this is a musical; there doesn't have to be a rhyme or reason to sing, we just sing.

FRANCE: Ohhh...Okay. Let's sing another!

Scene change. GERMANY sits center stage, singing quietly to himself.

My Mummy's Dead by John Lennon 

GERMANY:

MY BROTHER'S DEAD

I CAN'T GET IT THROUGH MY HEAD

THOUGH IT'S BEEN SO MANY YEARS

MY BROTHER'S DEAD

I CAN'T EXPLAIN

SO MUCH PAIN

I COULD NEVER SHOW IT

MY BROTHER'S DEAD

FRANCE, BRITAIN, AMERICA, CANADA, RUSSIA, CHINA, AUSTRIA, and POLAND enter, watching GERMANY from afar.

FRANCE: He's so scary.

POLAND: (Coughs) He used to be so strong.

AMERICA: Luckily, we sucked his power from him! We won!

FRANCE: It's not all about winning, America.

CANADA: He's crying.

POLAND: He deserves, (Coughs) to cry! He did terrible (Coughs) things!

AUSTRIA: It's okay, Poland. Don't overexert yourself.

GERMANY sobs.

BRITAIN: What an idiot. Crying! He ought to be dead, not crying! There are others that should be the ones crying, not him! He did awful things!

JAPAN enters. His cheeks are dirtied and have older burn scars.

JAPAN: (Coughs) Germany?

GERMANY: You're still sick, aren't you? It's been ten years and you're still sick.

JAPAN: America...really packed a punch, didn't he?

AMERICA drops to his knees, hands in his face.

AMERICA: What have I done? What have I done, dear god! What have I done!? What have we done!?

BRITAIN: You did the right thing.

AMERICA: No, I didn't! Don't say that! I must help Japan!

BRITAIN: He'll only hate you more if you try to help. He's probably still scared of you.

JAPAN is shaking as he sits next to GERMANY.

JAPAN: Still thinking about Prussia? (Coughs)

GERMANY: He's dead. My brother is dead. I'll never see him ever again. He's gone.

AMERICA: (Through sobs) We took Prussia away from him!

BRITAIN: Don't sympathize with a Nazi!

JAPAN: I know he's gone… I stirr can't berieve it myself.

GERMANY: Italy left us a while ago.

JAPAN: I know. It's just us…

CANADA: I'm staying out of this.

CANADA exits.

FRANCE: America, don't cry.

AUSTRIA: He deserves everything that happens to him! I vas under Nazi rule, I saw the things he did to my people! Do you know how scared I vas? I'm a Jew, a gay Austrian Jew! You think I vasn't terrified?

AMERICA: What we've done is unacceptable.

BRITAIN: Shh, just keep watching.

GERMANY: Mussolini's dead. Hitler's dead.

JAPAN: I know. Aren't you glad?

GERMANY: Ja...Ja, I am. At the same time, that's the last thing I vanted. I used to pray for the day that that man would die but at the same time...I loved him. He vas like a father to me, a mentor of sorts. I'm glad that he's dead, but I know that the death of Hitler von't stop my people from being Nazis. I was in pain every day due to the loss of my people. I would cough up blood and faint at least once a day. The pain is subsiding as less of my people are being killed at such a fast rate, but...physical pain is different than mental pain, you know?

BRITAIN: I… America, brother...stop your crying and listen.

GERMANY: Vhat have I done? God, vhat have I done? Japan, I killed so many!

FRANCE: He feels...guilt? I didn't think such a man could feel such a thing.

AMERICA and GERMANY: Vhat have I done? Vhat have I done!?

Scene change. ITALY is making a daisy chain and humming. VATICAN, ROMANO and NARRATOR enter.

NARRATOR: Italy has some relatives. First, he has South Italy, his older brother, also known as Romano.

ROMANO: Italy! Will you stop-a humming?! It is way too early in the morning for-a this!

ITALY: It's noon-a.

NARRATOR: Italy also has another brother, Father Vatican.

VATICAN: Now, now, Romano, be nice to Italy. It's okay to be-a happy and-a hum and sing. You should be-a more optimistic, Romano.

ROMANO: No way!

NARRATOR: It really is a dysfunctional family. Vatican can be a bit bossy sometimes.

VATICAN: Just-a be kind, Romano!

ROMANO: Shut it, old man!

ITALY: Be nice to Vatican!

VATICAN: Oh, it's quite alright-a, Italy.

NARRATOR: But in the end, they love each other.

ROMANO: No we don't-a!

Scene change. THAILAND sits with INDIA.

THAILAND: So...elephants are cool.

INDIA: I love elephants.

CHINA enters.

CHINA: Hey, Thailand. Hey, India.

THAILAND: Hello.

INDIA: Hi.

VIETNAM and TAIWAN enter, giggling like stereotypical girls.

TAIWAN: Japan is so silly!

JAPAN enters.

JAPAN: I heard my name!

KOREA enters.

KOREA: We having a little Asia party over here?

CHINA: No, Korea, we're not having a party!

VIETNAM: Taiwan! You're so silly! Did Japan really say that?

JAPAN: Say what!? What did I say!?

HONG KONG enters.

HONG KONG: I like My Chemical Romance...and Falling in Reverse...Fall Out Boy...Sew Intricate...Bring Me The Horizon...and All Time Low...Pierce The Veil...Black Veil Brides... Great bands, really. I doubt you've heard of them, though, really. They're rather unique.

TAIWAN: I know what My Chemical Romance is! And All Time Low, and Black Veil Brides!

HONG KONG: Yeah, well, shut up, Taiwan.

VIETNAM: (Sighs) Emo kids.

CHINA: Guys! Everybody shut up! Just...calm down.

VIETNAM: China, we wanted to ask you something.

CHINA: What? What do all of you want from me?

TAIWAN: Money.

HONG KONG: Freedom.

VIETNAM: Respect.

CHINA: (Laughs hysterically) Of course not!

Scene change.

POLAND is wearing a schoolgirl uniform while humming and drawing.

LITHUANIA sits with him.

LITHUANIA: I'm sick of being lumped with Russia. I vant...somebody that loves me, that cares for me!

POLAND: You're like a brother to me, dude.

LITHUANIA: You're like my veird older sister/brother thing that bosses me around.

LITHUANIA and POLAND laugh.

LITHUANIA: I mean...you care for me but...I vant somebody else that does, too. I vant more people that care about my opinions. I vant the vorld to know who I am.

I Can Go The Distance from Hercules 

LITHUANIA:

I HAVE OFTEN DREAMED

OF A FAR OF PLACE

VHERE A GREAT VARM VELCOME

VILL BE VAITING FOR ME

VHERE THE CROWDS VILL CHEER

VHEN THE SEE MY FACE

AND A VOICE KEEPS SAYING

THIS IS VHERE I'M MEANT TO BE

I VILL FIND MY VAY

I CAN GO THE DISTANCE

I'LL BE THERE SOMEDAY

IF I CAN BE STRONG

I KNOW EVERY MILE

VILL BE VORTH MY VHILE

I VOULD GO MOST ANYVHERE

TO FIND VHERE I BELONG

I AM ON MY VAY

I CAN GO THE DISTANCE  
>I DON'T CARE HOW FAR<p>

SOMEHOW I'LL BE STRONG

I KNOW EVERY MILE

VILL BE VORTH MY VHILE

I VOLD GO MOST ANYVHERE

TO FIND VHERE I BELONG

POLAND: You really think you'll find somevhere that...that vill realize who you are? That you're so much more than you think? That you're a vonderful person and you deserve so much more?

LITHUANIA: Vhat? No, I just vant freedom. I just...I vant people to care for me more.

Scene change. POLAND, FRANCE, GERMANY, JAPAN, and SWEDEN stand in a semi-circle.

Dust in The Wind by Kansas 

POLAND:

I CLOSE MY EYES

ONLY FOR A MOMENT AND THE MOMENT'S GONE

ALL MY DREAMS

PASS BEFORE MY EYES, A CURIOUSITY

FRANCE:

DUST IN THE WIND

ALL THEY ARE IS DUST IN THE WIND

JAPAN:

SAME OLD SONG

JUST A DROP OF WATER IN AN ENDRESS SEA

ALL:

DUST IN THE WIND

ALL WE ARE IS DUST IN THE WIND

OH, HO HO

GERMANY:

NOW, DON'T HANG ON

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER BUT THE EARTH AND SKY

SWEDEN:

IT SLIPS AVAY

AND ALL YOUR MONEY WON'T A MINUTE BUY

ALL:

DUST IN THE WIND

ALL WE ARE IS DUST IN THE WIND

ALL WE ARE IS DUST IN THE WIND

DUST IN THE WIND

EVERYTHING IS DUST IN THE WIND

EVERYTHING IS DUST IN THE WIND

THE WIND

Scene change. GERMANY and ITALY sit together.

ITALY: What type of music do you like-a, Germany?

GERMANY: I like veird music…

ITALY: Oh? Like what-a?

GERMANY: It's embarrassing.

ITALY: What-a? Just tell me!

GERMANY: Okay, vell...there's this type of German music called Jager...It's...It's children's folk music that's either turned into a dubstep remix or heavy metal.

ITALY: What-a?!

GERMANY: Things like Backe Backe Kuchen, a children's song about baking cakes has been turned into...screamo music.

ITALY bursts into wild laughter.

GERMANY: Don't laugh! It's good…

ITALY: Is that even a real thing? It sounds like a stupid, poorly-made joke about Germans loving cake!

GERMANY: Nein, it's real! Fine, what type of music do you like?

ITALY: I love listening to soundtracks from spaghetti westerns.

GERMANY: So basically stereotypical American music?

ITALY: Don't even try-a to make fun of my-a music. You have-a folk music turned into dubstep-a! It's like-a, if Skrillex was all-a "Hey, I like-a German cake. Oh my god-a, I have an idea!" How high do you have to be to enjoy Jager?!

GERMANY: Shut up.

Scene change. ITALY stands with JAPAN and GERMANY.

JAPAN: Wait, wait, wait, how did the advertise used Itarian guns in Worrd War II?

GERMANY: (Stifling laughter) How?

JAPAN: "Never fired and only dropped once."

GERMANY: (Snickers) Vhat's the difference betveen a smart Italian and unicorn?

JAPAN: What?

GERMANY: Nothing, they're both fictional creatures!

JAPAN and GERMANY burst into laughter.

ITALY: Guys…

GERMANY: Vait, vait, vhat's a good vay to tell that you're Italian?

JAPAN: How?

GERMANY: You're five-four, can bench press 350 pounds and still cry vhen your mama scolds you.

JAPAN: (Giggles) What does FIAT stand for?

GERMANY: Vhat?

JAPAN: Fix it again, Tony!

ITALY: How do you make a German cake?

GERMANY: Hn?

ITALY: First, you occupy der kitchen. Here's another. After much talk of what Germany's new capital should be, Bonn or Berlin, they finally made a decision: Paris.

JAPAN laughs a bit.

ITALY: Have you heard of the new German restaurant? The food sucks and an hour later you're hungry again, for power. How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

JAPAN: Oh? How many?

ITALY: They're too short anyway.

GERMANY: Italy, calm down…

ITALY: How do you know if a Japanese man robbed your house?

JAPAN: How?

ITALY: All the electronics are gone-a and three hours later, he's still-a trying to back out of-a your driveway.

JAPAN: Why did the Itarian boy want a moustache?

ITALY: Why?

JAPAN: To look more like his mother.

GERMANY: How do you get two bigots to laugh on Sunday? Tell them a joke on Friday. What's the difference between an ethnic joke and bucket of sludge? The bucket. Why is a racist like a-

ITALY: We get your point-a!

Long pause.

JAPAN: What do you carr an angry German? (Beat) Sauerkraut.

GERMANY: Aaaargh!

Scene change. AMERICA is eating pasta with ITALY.

AMERICA: I just love-a the pasta and-a girls of your country!

ITALY: Me too!

BRITAIN enters.

BRITAIN: Hold up, hold up, hold up. Why do you have an Italian accent?

ITALY stands.

ITALY: I've found that this happens with-a America. If one country spends a lot of time-a with him, he starts-a acting like that country.

BRITAIN: Damn mixing pot of cultures.

JAPAN enters.

JAPAN: Oh, herro. I didn't see you three here. (Bows)

AMERICA: Hello, Japan. (Bows back)

BRITAIN: You know how to bow?! Since when did this happen?!

ITALY: Don't be so bitter about it.

BRITAIN: So you're the jerk that influenced America into his whole mafia phase!

ITALY: Hey, now!

GERMANY enters.

GERMANY: Guten tag.

AMERICA: Guten tag, Deutschland.

CHINA enters.

CHINA: Nihao, Mei guo.

AMERICA: Nihao. (Bows)

BRITAIN: What the hell!? Since when did this happen?!

LITHUANIA enters, hugging AMERICA tightly.

AMERICA: Lithuania, how I've missed you!

LITHUANIA: I haven't seen you since The Panic!

COUNTRIES begin to chatter.

COUNTRIES: That pasta smells nice., Why is Britain so mad?, Pasta!, I haven't seen America in so long., etc.

CHINA: Don't touch me, Japan!

JAPAN: I didn't, you paranoid ord man!

CHINA: You're almost as old as I am, jerk!

BRITAIN: Everybody shut up!

Crowd noise breaks up.

BRITAIN: Somebody raise their hand and answer me this: When the hell did America get so cultured?

LITHUANIA: (Raises hand awkwardly) V-Vell...a lot of my people fled my country during The Great Depression. They vere hoping for jobs, but...they didn't find many.

GERMANY: My people fled my country around the same time and...if you've ever read a history book about the Vorld Vars, you should know the reason why.

Other countries agree.

BRITAIN: So...you mean to tell me...my precious baby brother isn't just like me anymore?

AMERICA: I was never like you! Look at my skin. Tan. It's tan, brother. I'm not white, alright? I'm, and always will be, Native American. Sure, people, especially Europeans have come to my country, softening and mixing my race until almost no Native Americans were left. That's because you killed so many of my people, Britain. I'm mixed race, now. I have so many cultures and races blended together. But I am, and always will be, Native American.

Scene change. NARRATOR stands off to the side as ITALY stands center stage, sweeping.

NARRATOR: There once was a man named The Holy Roman Empire while Italy live in Mr. Austria's house. In fact, Holy Rome was a boy, not a man. He didn't last very long. He got too big and well...that was the end of him. Italy loved him.

HRE enters.

HRE: Italy? Italy, are you there?

ITALY: Holy Rome? I'm right here.

HRE: Oh! Hello, Italy! I...I must tell you something.

ITALY: What is it-a?

HRE: I'm sorry about everything. I'm leaving, though, so you don't have to be afraid anymore.

ITALY: Wait-a… What are you saying?

HRE: I have to go away now.

HOLY ROMAN SOLDIER enters.

HR SOLDIER: Are you ready, sir?

HRE: Si. (To Italy) Well...see you around. Take good care of yourself for me, okay?

HR SOLDIER exits.

HRE turns to leave and begins walking away.

ITALY: Wait, no, Holy Rome!

HRE pauses.

ITALY: What will I do without you? Don't leave me, no!

HRE turns around.

ITALY: (Holds out his broom) Here, take this with-a you. Maybe it will help you think of me. Then...Then you won't forget about me.

HRE: Italy...Si, grazie! I would be honored to have your push broom! (Takes the broom) I feel like I should give you something. What do people in your country give each other when they have to say goodbye?

ITALY: K-Kiss, I think…

HRE: Kiss? I see. I've liked you for a very long time. It's been since at least the tenth century.

HRE and ITALY kiss chastely.

ITALY: R-Really?

HRE: I wouldn't lie to you, Italy.

NARRATOR: Aww...look how cute and sad this scene is!

ITALY: Yay, that's happy!

HRE: Well...I'm off now. Be careful. Take good care of yourself. Eat well. I promise that when the war finally ends, I'll come back to you. I promise that I'll see you again. Make sure to think of me, because I will be back, I promise!

ITALY: Okay! I can't wait-a to see you again! I'll be waiting! I'll make plenty of treats for when you come home! Don't get sick! Try not to get sick or die violently, either! I know we will see each other again, I know it!

HRE: No matter how much time will pass, you'll always be my most favorite in the whole world!

HRE exits.

NARRATOR: Afterwards, The Holy Roman Empire threw himself into a very long war, promptly falling from the world. Italy was wrong; he would never see his best friend again.

Scene change. GERMANY sits center stage. NARRATOR enters.

NARRATOR: Germany feels eternally guilty, for very obvious reasons. If the war is even mentioned, he'll sob and shake and curl up in a ball and repeat "Never forget, never repeat" like some sort of mantra. This guy is super screwed up.

GERMANY curls into a ball, rocking back and forth.

GERMANY: Never forget, never repeat, never forget, never repeat… (Continues)

NARRATOR: I told you he's messed up.

NARRATOR exits.

POLAND enters.

POLAND: Germany! Are you hurt? Oh my gawd!

GERMANY: Never forget, never repeat, never forget, never repeat… (Continues)

POLAND: You...You're crying. You're...You're thinking about that time, aren't you?

GERMANY: I'm so sorry!

POLAND: I can't fully forgive you for vhat you like, did. You did like, put me in a concentration camp. I can't forgive you for vhat you did to my people. But I...I may not fully forgive you, but I forgive you on some level. It's been a vhile now. My people have healed. I've healed. You screwed up, I admit. You screwed up majorly. I mean, like...wow. You...You really messed up-

GERMANY: You aren't helping!

POLAND: I'm sorry. Listen, I've healed and so have my people. Ve're okay now. And like...I...I forgive you a bit. I don't know if my vords are comforting but… I'm really trying, okay? Listen, you're a good guy. It's been years since the incident and...I'm not saying you did something good, because you like, did something awful. Never forget vhat you done, and don't you ever repeat it but, like...stop beating yourself up, man.

Scene change. PRUSSIA, SPAIN, GERMANY and BRITAIN enter.

Viva La Vida by Coldplay 

BRITAIN:

I USED TO RULE THE WORLD

SEAS WOULD RISE WHEN I GAVE THE WORD

NOW IN THE MORNING I SLEEP ALONE

SWEEP THE STREETS I USED TO OWN

I USED TO ROLL THE DICE

FEEL THE FEAR IN MY ENEMY'S EYES

LISTEN AS THE CROWD WOULD SING

"NOW THE OLD KING IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE KING!"

PRUSSIA:

ONE MINUTE I HELD THE KEY

NEXT THE VALLS WERE CLOSED ON ME

AND I DISCOVERED THAT MY CASTLES STAND

UPON PILLARS OF SALT AND PILLARS OF SAND

I HEAR JERUSALEM BELLS A-RINGING

ROMAN CAVALRY CHOIRS ARE SINGING

BE MY MIRROR, MY SWORD, AND SHIELD

MY MISSIONARIES ARE IN A FOREIGN FIELD

GERMANY:

FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T EXPLAIN

ONCE YOU'RE GONE THERE VAS NEVER

NEVER AN HONEST VORD

BUT THAT VAS WHEN I RULED THE VORLD

SPAIN:

IT WAS A WICKED AND WILD WIND

BLEW DOWN THE DOORS TO LET ME IN

SHATTERED WINDOWS AND SOUND OF DRUMS

PEOPLE COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'D BECOME

REVOLUTIONARIES WAIT

FOR MY HEAD ON SILVER PLATE

JUST A PUPPET ON A LONELY STRING

OH WOULD EVER WANT TO BE KING?

ALL:

I HEAR JERUSALEM BELLS ARE RINGING

ROMAN CAVALRY CHOIRS ARE SINGING

BE MY MIRROR, MY SHIELD AND SWORD

MY MISSIONARIES IN A FOREIGN FIELD

FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T EXPLAIN

I KNOW SAINT PETER WILL CALL MY NAME

NEVER AN HONEST WORD

BUT THAT WAS WHEN I RULED THE WORLD

WOAHAHAHAH OH, WOAHAHAHAH

WOAHAHAHAH OH, WOAHAHAHAH

WOAHAHAHAH

I HEAR JERUSALEM BELLS ARE RINGING

ROMAN CAVALRY CHOIRS ARE SINGING

BE MY MIRROR, MY SHIELD AND SWORD

MY MISSIONARIES IN A FOREIGN FIELD

FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T EXPLAIN

I KNOW SAINT PETER WILL CALL MY NAME

NEVER AN HONEST WORD

BUT THAT WAS WHEN I RULED THE WORLD

OOH, OH,

OOH, OH

OOH, OH

OOH, OH

NARRATOR enters.

NARRATOR: If you've done your homework, you know that these three, Britain, Spain and Prussia used to be so great, so big, so...so important. Look at them now! Britain...He's tiny! Sure, he's a world power but...where is that empire now? Spain...Oh, Spain. He's bigger than Britain but not much, and he's not a world power. And Prussia? Prussia's gone! A lot of you may have just heard about him today for the first time!

BRITAIN: I used to be great! I...I really put the "Great" in "Great Britain." I was huge! I was an empire. America used to respect me...and now he's so much bigger than I am. He himself is practically an empire and me...me? I'm...I'm nothing.

SPAIN: I used to be something. I was huge. I was...I was respected. I was respected so much! Not anymore…

PRUSSIA: Vhat kind of example am I for Germany? I'm a failure. I fell! I've fallen and...I'm shameful. I'm not worthy of...of anything.

Scene change. ALL COUNTRIES and NARRATOR enter

AMERICA: Freedom is singing throughout the land as freedom grows and freedom grows!

BRITAIN: We are cultured, and kindness spreads. Sure, there will always be jerks in this world, but acceptance is growing!

RUSSIA: We are one!

CHINA: We recognize people as equals, not others!

JAPAN: For now, we're smiling and loving.

GERMANY: We love one another, and we love all. We don't judge each other based on stupid, silly things like race, gender, sexual orientation or ethnicity.

ITALY: Everybody loves everybody!

FRANCE: Love spread and the world is relatively peaceful. For now.

NARRATOR: Wait, wait, wait! You guys realize that everything you said was completely untrue? This world hates itself. Humans are viciously killing each other right now as we speak. And some of you are to blame!

GERMANY: It's better than it used to be.

NARRATOR: Well, yeah, but like...It's still not good.

For Now from Avenue Q

NARRATOR:

EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT UNSATISFIED

AMERICA:

EVERYONE GOES 'ROUND A LITTLE EMPTY INSIDE

PRUSSIA:

TAKE A BREATH,  
>LOOK AROUND,<p>

SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE

ITALY:

FOR NOW

ALL:

FOR NOW

POLAND:

NOTHING LASTS

FRANCE:

LIFE GOES ON

RUSSIA:

FULL OF SURPRISES

ITALY:

YOU'LL BE FACED WITH PROBLEMS

OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES!

FINLAND:

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A FEW COMPROMISES

FOR NOW

BULGARIA:

FOR NOW

ALL:

BUT ONLY FOR NOW (FOR NOW)

ONLY FOR NOW (FOR NOW)

ONLY FOR NOW (FOR NOW)

ONLY FOR NOW!

CANADA:

FOR NOW WE'RE HEALTHY

NARRATOR:

FOR NOW I'M EMPLOYED

SPAIN:

FOR NOW WE'RE HAPPY

ITALY:

IF NOT OVERJOYED!

PRUSSIA:

AND WE'LL ACCEPT THE THINGS WE CANNOT AVOID

FOR NOW

KOREA:

FOR NOW

CHINA:

FOR NOW

JAPAN:

FOR NOW

ALL:

BUT ONLY FOR NOW (FOR NOW)

ONLY FOR NOW (FOR NOW)

ONLY FOR NOW (FOR NOW)

ONLY FOR NOW!

ONLY FOR NOW!

FRANCE:

FOR NOW THERE'S LIFE!

ALL:

ONLY FOR NOW

HUNGARY AND AUSTRIA:

FOR NOW THERE'S LOVE

GERMANY: You guys split up!

ALL:

ONLY FOR NOW

NARRATOR:

FOR NOW THERE'S WORK

FOR NOW THERE'S HAPPINESS

BUT ONLY FOR NOW

KOREA:

FOR NOW DISCOMFORT!

ALL:

ONLY FOR NOW!

LITHUANIA, ESTONIA and LATVIA:

FOR NOW THERE'S FRIENDSHIP!

ONLY FOR NOW!

ALL:

FOR NOW

ONLY FOR NOW!

ONLY FOR NOW

GREECE: Money!

ALL:

IS ONLY FOR NOW

PRUSSIA: Your life!

ALL:

IS ONLY FOR NOW

RUSSIA: Power!

ALL:

IS ONLY FOR NOW

DON'T STRESS  
>RELAX<p>

LET LIFE ROLL OF YOUR BACKS

EXCEPT FOR DEATH AND PAYING TAXES

EVERYTHING IS ONLY FOR NOW

THAILAND:

EACH TIMES YOU SMILE

IT ONLY LASTS A WHILE

HRE:

WAR MAY BE SCARY

BUT IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY

ALL:

BA-DUM BA-DUM

BA-DUM BA-DUM

BA-DUM BA-DUM

BA-DA DA DA DA

BA-DA DA DA DA

BA-DUM BA-DUM

BA-DUM BA-DUM

OHHH-

ITALY:

EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS ONLY FOR NOW

NARRATOR: Because this script was based off of a series of books, we have to give credit again. The original books, Hetalia: Axis Powers, were written by Hidekaz Himaruya. The books were later turned into an anime, also named Hetalia. This is the anime's theme song, Marukaite Chikyuu, written in Japanese. We're first going to sing it in Japanese, then in English.

ITALY:

NEE NEE PAPA WAIN WO CHOUDAI

NEE NEE MAMA NEE NEE MAMA

MUKASHI NI TABETA BORONEEZE MO

ANO AJI WA WASURERARENAIN DA

ALL:

MARUKAITE CHIKYUU

MARUKAITE CHIKYUU  
>MARUKAITE CHIKYUU<p>

BOKU HETALIA

MARUKAITE CHIKYUU

JITTO MITE CHIKYUU

HYOTTO SHITE CHIKYUU

BOKU HETALIA

ITALY:

AH HITOFUDE DE

MIERU SUBARASHII SEKAI

NAGAGUTSU DE KANPAI DA

HETALIA!

ITALY:

HEY HEY PAPA COULD I HAVE SOME WINE?

HEY HEY MAMA HEY HEY MAMA!

NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I'LL NEVER FORGET

THE TASTE OF BOLOGNESE WON'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

ALL:

DRAW A CIRCLE, THAT'S THE EARTH

DRAW A CIRCLE, THAT'S THE EARTH

DRAW A CIRCLE, THAT'S THE EARTH

I AM HETALIA

DRAW A CIRCLE, THERE'S THE EARTH

LOOKING CLOSELY, THERE'S THE EARTH

LOOKING AGAIN, THERE'S THE EARTH

I AM HETALIA

ITALY:

AH, A FABULOUS WOULD THAT

CAN BE SEEN WITH THE STROKE OF A SINGLE BRUSH

NOW LET'S HAVE A TOAST WITH OUR BOOTS

HETALIA!

ITALY: Ah, I'm hungry. I want to eat pasta!

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading all of this! I know that it's huge. This took me about eight months to write. I kept rewriting and rewriting the script, but I was dedicated. I really hope that you enjoyed. Please do not use this script for performance purposes, because not only do I not want it to be used, you probably will be sued by somebody due to all the different songs used. <strong>


	3. Extra Notes

CHARACTERS:

NARRATOR: Sassy female mezzo soprano

ITALY: Stupid, cowardly, tenor (Can be played by a female: soprano)

GERMANY: Masculine, angry, bass

JAPAN: Intelligent baritone

AMERICA: Stupid, young tenor (Can be played by a female: mezzo soprano)

BRITAIN: Gentlemanly high tenor (Can be played by a female: soprano)

FRANCE: Romantic baritone

RUSSIA: Quiet and scary baritone

CHINA: Slightly obnoxious and old mezzo soprano (A male character to be played by a female)

PRUSSIA: Annoying, yet wise baritone

HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE: A little boy (Can be played by a female)

CANADA: Shy tenor (Can be played by female: soprano)

GREECE: Quiet and slightly weird bass

KOREA: Obnoxious and annoying tenor (Can be played by female: soprano)

FINLAND: Bouncy and bubbling tenor (Can be played by crossdressing female mezzo soprano)

POLAND: Crossdressing high tenor

ESTONIA: Intelligent baritone (Can be played by a mezzo soprano with a good low-range)

AUSTRIA: Really feminine and artistic tenor

BULGARIA: Stalking Germany (Any gender or voice type)

HUNGARY: Transgendered and married to Austria (Mezzo soprano; must be played by female)

LATVIA: Teenage boy-tenor (Can be played by female: mezzo-soprano)

LITHUANIA: Nervous baritone

PRISONERS: Can be played by anyone backstage at the moment (Try to get as many as possible)

NORWAY: Intelligent and magical (Any gender or voice type)

DENMARK: Loud, obnoxious (Preferably male, but can be female. Voice type does not matter)

SWEDEN: Quiet and shy bass

ICELAND: Teenage, angsty (Preferably male. Any gender or voice type can do, though)

ROMANIA: Magical and mysterious (Any gender or voice type)

SPAIN: Happy and cheery tenor

VATICAN CITY: An old cheery man (Can be female if needed, but preferably male. Any voice type.)

ROMANO/SOUTH ITALY: A total jerk (Any voice type, preferably male but can be female)

THAILAND: Quiet (Any gender or voice type)

INDIA: Peaceful and calm (Any gender or voice type)

VIETNAM: Strong and feminist woman (Any voice type)

TAIWAN: Giggle and bouncy female (Any voice type)

HONG KONG: Total emo kid-male

HOLY ROMAN SOLDIER: Male (Any voice type)

COSTUMES:

NARRATOR: Really, she can wear anything. It's up to the director.

ITALY: Italian World War II uniform (Default costume), a white suit

GERMANY: SS Uniform (Default costume), Nazi armband (To be used only in certain scenes), white t-shirt and jeans,

JAPAN: Japanese World War II uniform (Default costume), Kimono, Burnt kimono

AMERICA: Jeans, white t-shirt, sneakers and bomber jacket (Default costume), Union uniform,

BRITAIN: Brown suit

FRANCE: Something fru-fru, like a cape or something

RUSSIA: A big coat or Russian World War II uniform

CHINA: Chinese World War II uniform

PRUSSIA: Something 1500s

CANADA: Red hoodie, jeans and sneakers

GREECE: White v-neck, jeans and sneakers

KOREA: A hanbok

FINLAND: Pale blue t-shirt and shorts

POLAND: A red dress (For first scene), An Auschwitz prisoner uniform, A white blouse and a flowy pink skirt (Default costume), A school-girl uniform

ESTONIA: A white button-up and grey trousers

BULGARIA: A grey button-up and black trousers

AUSTRIA: A suit, preferably some really girly color like purple or blue (Default costume, a dress that resembles Maria's from The Sound of Music,

HUNGARY: A green dress-traditional Hungarian (Default costume), a green flannel and jeans

LATVIA: A white button-up and black trousers

LITHUANIA: A white button-up and brown trousers

NORWAY: A bow-tie, a white button-up and jeans

DENMARK: A red t-shirt tucked into jeans, and red converse

SWEDEN: Trousers, a white button-up and a yellow or blue suit jacket

ICELAND: Skinny jeans, converse, chains around his neck and a band t-shirt

ROMANIA: A black cloak

SPAIN: A torero costume

ROMANO: A flannel, a white suit-jacket and skinny jeans (Something European and stylish)

VATICAN CITY: A white button-up, white trousers, white dress-shoes, a white cape and a large wooden cross around his neck

THAILAND: A white t-shirt, skinny jeans, and combat boots

INDIA: Sherwani

VIETNAM: Combat boots, jean shorts, black tights and a baggy red t-shirt

TAIWAN: Pink frilly dress

HONG KONG: A black t-shirt, black skinny jeans, checkered Vans, chains around his neck, and rubber bracelets

HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE: Brown trousers, a long brown coat and a top-hat

HOLY ROMAN SOLDIER: A knight costume

NECESSARY PROPS/FURNITURE:

Beer bottle, Cigarette, Vodka bottle, Piano, Manual, Tool to self-harm with (A knife, razor, etc.), Videogame controller, Book, Pistol (Preferably a luger), Several manga, Daisy chain, Sketchbook and pencil, Table and two bowls of pasta, Broom


End file.
